And Then I Fell...

I was undone by a yellow doll-house accessory.  A teeny tiny table or some sort of thing.  The girls were upstairs dripping dry from their  bath and waiting for the brush that I'd come down to retrieve and I stepped down on a "Holy cow that's sharp," thing and I twisted around, and somehow managed to land on my rear end and not my belly, but I came down hard enough for it to hurt, and for the wind to be knocked out of me, and for me to know that I needed to call Labor and Delivery and I reallydidnotwanttohavetocallLaborandDelivery.

My first thought was, "Ow.  And Oof.  And Oh."  My second thought was, "Dang it, I have to call and what are they going to tell me to do?"  And my third thought was, "There's a football game tomorrow at UW....  My doctor will be out of town....  This cannot go awry."

UW's Labor and Delivery predictably suggested that though I hadn't fallen on my belly and though as of yet I wasn't contracting or bleeding, that I should come in and be monitored.  Which really wasn't a good thing because after all they're 2 hours away and Andrew was on watch.  And how in the heck was this all going to work? 

All of which I said to the very nice L&D nurse and she acquiesced to the possibility of my going in to our own Labor and Delivery on base for monitoring with the plan to head south to Seattle if anything looked peculiar.  So that's what I determined to do.  Then I just had to call and coordinate that with our L&D, find someone to take the kiddos, and call my husband on watch and get there.  Which....  all really wasn't that easy.

After a couple of phone calls, I found a friend from church to come be with the girls who were all ready for bed (but had, with almost no prompting from me, also gotten ready for the contingency of coming with Mommy by putting on pantsy pajamas, and shoes and socks and packing their own quiet bag.  I was so blown away by their responsibility and concern for Mommy last night).  I called Andrew and he made it home in such a short time that I don't want to think about how fast he must have been going.  And with everything in place we went to the Labor and Delivery on base.

When we got to base, Andy realized he didn't have his military ID OR his drivers license.  So we showed the guard mine and tried to explain.  Except they didn't want to let us explain.  Finally Andy said, "PLEASE LISTEN.  She's 38 weeks pregnant and we have an emergency.  We need to get to Labor and Delivery NOW.  I left my wallet somewhere in the hurry to get her here because we have an EMERGENCY." 
"Well....  do you have a drivers license at least?" 
"NO, I LEFT MY WALLET SOMEWHERE--SHE NEEDS MEDICAL CARE."
"You really shouldn't drive without your Drivers License, you know"
"EMERGENCY."
"There's no need to get loud, sir."
"Look--Do I have permission to enter the gate or not?"
*Dubious glances exchanged between the two frustrating gate guards, and then finally a relenting sigh* 

Seriously?!!  I know they were just doing their jobs, but still...  Seriously?!

That little interlude aside (and I guess it's a darn good thign we WEREN'T headed to Seattle with a wallet MIA, really), we got to L&D and they hooked me up to a monitor.  Baby hadn't been moving.  I kept waiting for a reassuring kick or something as I waited for our friend to get to the house, and during the ride, and as I settled into the bed at the Naval Hospital.  I felt pretty sure that she was ok , but I had felt hardly any movement since my butt hit the floor, and that wasn't entirely reassuring.

They put the belts on my belly, and there was her heartbeat.  And that was good.

And then we watched the monitor.  The nurse came in and watched with us.  And she explained that she hoped that her facial expressions and demeanor didn't make me feel unwanted, but they REALLY, REALLY, REALLY did not want me going into labor on their watch, because they REALLY, REALLY, REALLY weren't comfortable having a woman with my particular oddity give birth with their limited capabilities should things go wrong.  And again I couldn't believe that I'd almost given birth at this hospital with no questions asked by anyone.

She was very nice despite her caveat about where this baby would ultimately be born.  She chatted with us casually about her kids and ours and the shared camaraderie of being female and putting up with the discomforts and of pregnancy, but it was also pretty clear that she wasn't taking any chances with us.

Baby looked great.  Heartbeat strong, and now she was trying to kick off the monitor.  Also, she got hiccups. 

I wasn't showing any signs of placental abruption, which I learned was the big concern with a fall.  Even one not involving a belly.  But I was having contractions.  More than I expected to in only a few hours.  I didn't start to feel them until I started tuning into the monitor and then my brain recognized the sensation and suddenly I did feel them.  The nurse seemed to want to monitor that a bit more.

So we waited another hour.  We watched The Princess Bride which was sitting on the T.V.  I tried not to be hyper aware of every baby movement and every contraction by reciting the movie along with the characters since I essentially have it memorized.  Somehow, though, just sitting in that uncomfortable bed, strapped to this contraption, wondering....  and wondering....  made me feel everything a little more strongly than normal.  And I got progressively more uncomfortable, and increasingly aware of my contractions, and more and more nervous. 

Eventually, after checking my cervix, they decided they could send me home.  I wasn't going to get so serious about labor that night that I couldn't get myself to UW, but that only made me more nervous because...  My doctor was out of town tomorrow, and there was this huge nationally syndicated Football Game happening and all was going to be messed up for hours and what if I went into labor and couldn't deliver with my doctor and someone else who wasn't as amazing took me and things all went wrong?  Or what if I went into labor and we got stuck in traffic and the worst happened and we were stranded?  Or what if...

I didn't call UW with an update because I desperately did not want to face the possibility of them saying, "Well....  since we have this game tomorrow, maybe you should come in if you're having contractions."

I'm tender today.  My belly is tender.  I don't know if it's all in my head, or if it's maybe because I twisted to protect myself so quickly when I fell, or for some other reason altogether.  I'm walking gingerly everywhere I go.  And I'm scared.  I'm afraid to sit down wrong, or step wrong.  I don't like realizing that I'm having a contraction, whereas normally I'd be glad that my body was doing SOMETHING at least.  I'm afraid of lurking dollhouse furniture, and carrying laundry baskets. 

Because last night I realized that I'm really just so far away from where my care is.  And my case IS unique.  And in an emergency, there are going to be some logistics involved which will slow us down.  And that reality is scary.

I'm trying so hard not to be rattled by it.  I'm trying to take it in a stride.  I'm trying to hang onto peace.  Lots of people fall when they are pregnant and probably some of them don't even call Labor and Delivery and maybe I shouldn't have either because maybe I wouldn't be so freaked out.  But.... 

I was undone by a piece of doll-house furniture.  A piece of doll house furniture and a football game and a two hour drive and the reality that my situation is unique and while everything is really most likely going to be just fine there are extra variables at work.  I realized in a new way that even though everything was ok yesterday, that I feel very, very vulnerable.   Now I'm just really ready to have the uniqueness of this delivery done and over with so I can focus on my baby for a little bit, before I get scared again.

My friend, Pam, got me out of the house today.  We got our hair cut.  Nothing perks me up like a hair cut.  I'm feeling better by increments, and by tomorrow morning I'll be back to making jokes, and cycling through mania and gooeyness and regular old nerves again.  Besides, tomorrow there won't be a football game and if I need to get to Seattle's L&D unit it'll just be the normal pain in the rear 2 hour drive.  A regular night of sleep without coming home at midnight will do me good too.  I'm ok, and I AM sure that all is going to go well, and we're going to meet this little girl in all her sweet chunky-cheeked glory next week with little fanfare except for the kind that all newborn babies deserve. 

How about this though:  Until then--keep the dollhouse furniture away from me.